Perhaps I wasnt so much in the right mind, so I just took off in a random direction, putting a man's sense of direction to the extreme test. Too much urban jungle I guess, after choosing to cut through hdb estate after hdb estate, I decided I didnt really know where I was anymore.

Its the mental process that was really interesting. When I first started the journey, I didnt really care, I felt brave in fact. Maybe I just felt like really walking some emotions off. I wasnt even bothering which direction to go, just merely walking wherever I felt, hoping somehow I would reach my destination.

Then I got a little worried, but I pressed on, trying to move in a more logical manner now. The confidence I had still lingered a little. After all some people say that the male gender have a natural sense of direction, and could probably point north without a map nor a compass. Ya right.

I hit a super long straight stretch. Out of the housing estate, near the industrial side with construction going on some newater thing. It was then that I was kind of scared. I felt so alone, vulnerable, but mostly alone. Miserable. I looked back. Though I knew slightly where I was now, I didnt know if I was going in the right direction. Or if I was going farther. And when you are walking, things move kind of slowly, so these feelings held for a long while. But I continued forward.

Well I got out of the situation in the end. I didnt really walk home, nor planned to. I didnt even plan to walk this far. But I didnt know when to end. Sure I could take a bus, long ago in fact. I passed many bus stops along the way. Yeah I was in Singapore. But I guess when you already gone so far, you dont really mind going abit more, despite the pain. And I wanted to walk in the first place.

It was a really confusing walk, an emotional rollercoaster in fact, so the walking off the emotions thing didnt really work. I dont know what I feel even now. Stupid maybe? But maybe it wasnt the getting lost that got me so miserable, maybe it just was an avenue of release, for getting lost in another manner. But though I found a way out of that situation, would I be so lucky as to find my way out of the turmoil I have inside now? Would I be able to find my way, find the answer, find my heart again? I seriously dont know. I dont even know how I got into this. I feel cheated by myself. In some ways, how I got lost today emulates how lost I feel.

Today, I went from a point in Tampines, randomly wondering, to the community centre. Took a wrong turn and went to near the fire station, then down towards the industrial side, and after a really really long time, saw the IKEA sign in the distance. Walked passed Giant, Courts and then IKEA, over to the Elias side. Walk passed Meridian, then all the way to Pasir Ris Interchange. One and a half hour. And in case you wonder, I was headed to Tampines Interchange.

If only things could be so clear in this mental turmoil, so at least I could try to head in the right direction. But alas, its just a mess. Such that all I want to do is escape. Instead of making things right.