The difficult part is rejoining. Nothing is often permanent, and we regain control of the delicate balance. Yet, systems never stay the same. They adapt and update in order to keep the system going. They are reinforced by other systems, influenced, upgraded and updated, and some of the bonds in the systems are reconnected. Upon entrance, you find that yes there sure is space for you in the system. The database is still familiar, though there is a distinct difference that only time can tell.

Time did its job. You see it suddenly. Its like you are trying to connect to the internet using dial-up cables, while everyone uses broadband. The connections you are making seem to be deteriorating. The most you can do is just remain logged on to the system without any activities. And theres nothing much you can do. You are just unable to upgrade to broadband at the moment.

Perhaps all you really need is a break. The time to rest and upgrade. To work things out. To make the links even better than before. But you cant really just log off like that. How do you take a break from relationships without making something seem wrong? How can you not hurt anyone? How can you not be selfish?

Perhaps this is one reason I am not upset about going to the great Europe nine days in advance. Maybe this is the break I really need. An escape that needs no explanation. A release that may bring back a fresher me. Maybe.

I dont really know what is wrong with me. =(